Reverse Stalker

A few years ago, when I made a Facebook page, I tried to convince my Mom to have a Facebook page too. I said, "Other Moms do it too." Which she found hilariously funny, but it's true! I am Friends with a lot of my friends' Moms. For years she refused, but then I kept "forgetting" to email her pictures. And I would always say, "Oh, too bad you don't have Facebook - they are all on there." So... she made a Secret Facebook Page!

I am her only friend, and until this past weekend, when I hijacked her profile for a bit, she didn't even have a picture. She only uses it to stalk my pictures and my page. She doesn't even know how to accept a Friend Request, so don't feel bad if you were ignored. Last week, I made her page public knowledge to my Friends by tagging her in a status. The next day, via email, her response?

"OMG!!! You are some kind of reverse stalker!!!"

What is a reverse stalker??

Life in Digital

I am so dependent on computers today. When I sit down and look at a fresh Word document, I feel the way I used to feel about opening a brand new notebook. There are limitless possibilities... And so the past 16 years of my life has gone into the digital realm of my computer. School papers, music, photos, creative writing, journals - EVERYTHING.

At work, I religiously back up. I have an external hard drive, and all of my files and documents are saved onto it on a regular basis. Why do I not have this same mentality at home? Where is the gap? Somehow, in my 10 minute commute, I manage to forget the frailty of digital documentation. It's not a question of IF your computer will die, but WHEN it will die. Because they always do.

I got a new computer almost 2 years ago, and it died last month. Completely dead. My hard drive will not boot up. But, supposedly my data is all still there. So close, yet so far away. The Geek Squad wants to charge me $1600 to recover it for me. And so begins my quest of finding the person who can save my digital life, but not break my bank...

I'm moving through the stages of grief:

1. Shock and Denial - I ignored this travesty while my poor little hard drive was off being worked on.

2. Pain and Guilt - I lay in my bed for 4 hours and cried.

3. Anger and Bargaining - I threw things. I offered the world to whoever could fix it. (Well, okay, apparently $1600 was my limit.)

4. Depression and Loneliness - I keep thinking of all that I've lost. The 300 pages of my book. The hundreds and hundreds of photos. The GBs of music. I miss them. Terribly.

5...

I haven't accepted it yet, I'm still questing. It can't be gone. I can recover this life of mine recorded on to bits of machinery. I'm determined....

Scary Night Noises

Sometimes, lying in bed at night, watching the fireflies in the woods behind my house, I hear the most terrifying noise. (No, not the barking dog next door - that's the most annoying noise.) It's more high pitched and sharp. It's the fox.

We have a family of foxes that live behind our house, but there is one that I especially love. (Even if their barking at night scares me!)

When we first moved in to this house, just before Halloween, I came home from a friend's house late at night (maybe 11:00ish). When I went to pull into my parking space, there were 3 foxes (foxi?) standing in it. They looked defiantly up at me and refused to move for a minute. Finally, the big one (the one I love now), barked at the other two and they went up into my front yard. (I could hear Watson going INSANE in the house!)

Then, the staredown began...

I sat in my car for a long time while the foxes just sat in my yard looking at me. After another few minutes, the big one (let's call him Swift), barked again and the trio strolled off down the side walk. When I got out of my car, my neighbor (who was hanging Halloween decorations at 11:30 at night to surprise his children) yelled out to me, "Welcome to the neighborhood! You'll see all kinds of weird animals in this place!"

Swift and I have encountered each other several times in the past 8 1/2 months. Typically, it's very early in the morning when it's just getting light out and no one else is out except for me walking Watson. Swift likes to watch us walking from the woods, and sometimes walks parallel and just behind us. He never comes out, never comes close, and Watson never notices him. I think Swift likes me.

I hope Swift knows how much I love foxes. Once, I almost made Ayla wreck her car because I screamed "I LOVE FOXES!" in sheer excitement upon seeing one cross the road in front of us. I also used to have a fox that played with my old dog - she was in love with him. I sure wish I could have a fox for a pet!

Someone Else's Kids

As many of you know (or maybe don't know), Casey and I are licensed foster parents. After a 2 year process and waiting, we got our first placement last week.

It was emergency care, short-term, and extremely stressful but rewarding...

We knew it would be overwhelming and saddening going into it. Our bottom line reason for wanting to be foster parents is to help children in need and provide them with a stable and safe home for however long that they need. Yes, we know it will be difficult, yes, we know it will be hard to let go, but it's harder for them to not have a place where they feel safe and loved.

Going into it with all of the foster parent prep, and having worked with children for 10 years, I still was not prepared for the overwhelming flood of emotions...

I can deal with tough behaviors, I can make routines and games, I can be nurturing and loving... But the hardest part was being tossed together with a fragile child who is hurt, sad, and confused... times two. Taking two children for our first go-round was probably not the best idea for first time 'parents.'

There are so many things that, as a foster parent, you don't know and you don't know to expect to know until you're in it. Do these children have allergies? Do they love certain foods? Do they have a bath/bed/food routine? Do they have a stuffed animal/blanket/pacifier that was left behind by someone who didn't know to bring it? Do they sleep with music/lights on/covers on?

When you're preparing for a pregnancy and birth, you have 9 months (give or take) to physically and mentally prepare. You have the materials/furniture/toys you need. When you're called to your foster parent duties, you have sometimes less than an hour to rearrange your entire life to make these children feel as welcome and loved as possible.

Were Casey and I the most successful foster parents in the world? No, I'm sure we weren't and I'm sure there were a million things we could have done different/better. But... did we provide as safe/comfortable/loving of a home as possible for 48 hours to minimize transition and discomfort? Yes, I think we did.

Most importantly, we cared for two children when someone else could not and until they could go with another family member. And we learned A LOT - an overwhelming cram of information in a whirlwind of 48 hours. We will be so much better prepared for the next rewarding upheaval.

But next time, we will only take one child!

Poisonous Turtles and Polished Eyelashes

There is a set of five-year-old identical twins (D & G) at my school who just say the most interesting things in the world! This is why I love my job...

D: I can’t draw a picture of a fish eating a cat because cats are WONDERFUL and they would bite a fish on the tail.

D: My bird is sad. Someone stole his egg.
Me: Who did that?
D: An old scary lady climbed up the tree and took it from his nest while he was sitting on it.
G: But my bird came and killed the lady! My bird is the Mama of all birds.

G: Do you like Michael Jackson?
Me: Yes, I do.
G: (Pointing at a picture of Karen) She looks just like Michael Jackson. Ms. Karen looks like Michael Jackson!
D: We dance like Michael Jackson all the time.

D: When I been crying, I look like a wee-wee.
Me: What's a wee-wee?
D: You know, a cry baby!

Story by G:
Never find poisonous turtles on a rock beach. Never bother them when they eat lettuce pets. Put them on the beach carefully. Never touch them on the mouth. They might bite you. Never, ever touch it again on the rocky beach. This is the long poisonous neck - it can sting you. The head is white-green. If you try to find one, you can show your mom. Put it in a bag, but very carefully.

And my favorite; after staring at my for a minute or two and tilting her head back and forth, G said, "Your eyelashes are pretty. But you should polish them. Probably red or blue or purple." Then, she ran away...

Why Do Cookies Smell So Good?

Here I am... ten days into My 30 Day Healthy Eating Challenge, and so far, so good! I really intended on writing a lot more with my successes and challenges, but I picked an extraordinarily busy time of year to implement my change. Though I haven't had the time to tell on myself, I have been able to keep up with my goals.

Mostly, I've found that it's been easy to eat healthy (i.e. no fried, greasy, fatty foods), even when going out to different restaurants. I have experienced 3 challenges, with some solutions, but would love feedback or suggestions...

Challenge 1: Eating at a Friend's House
What to do when you go to a friend or family member's house who has cooked a delicious, albeit not on your diet, dinner? Going to restaurants is easy - all places have SOME kind of healthy option. But, when hanging out with friends, I don't want to dictate that their menu revolves around me. When this came up recently, I ate more of the healthy options (i.e. salad), and looked for a smaller portion of the main course.

Challenge 2: Healthy Eating Options
I am feeling a bit limited with my food choices. I have been keeping a food journal, and a majority of my entries are salads, turkey sandwiches, or soup. I'm getting a little bored, and am afraid my boredom will cause me to slip. I really need to spend more time in my kitchen so that I can create delicious, healthy meals with more variety.

Challenge 3: CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIES
I went to a meeting and they had a giant plate of a million of my FAVORITE cookies. They come from Columbia Deli and they are chocolate chip cookies with a fudge center. I would maybe injure someone to get one. At this meeting, the hosts passed the gargantuan plate piled high with fatty goodness around the table THREE times. Each time I had to pass it on, the wonderfully scrumptious aroma filtered into my brain and turned me into a raving lunatic who wanted to eat the entire pile of cookies and steal the other ones that had all ready been taken. Somehow, I found the willingness to pass up the cookies and did not even savor a single bite. (Typing about those cookies has rekindled my cookie psychosis...)

Anyway, so far the Healthy Eating Challenge has been successful. And I have all ready seen the positive outcomes. For the past few days, I haven't been waking up feeling like I swallowed a bon fire, and I can actually eat without feeling nauseous or embarrassingly curling up into a ball due to pain. So, we'll keep going...

My 30 Days of Healthy Eating

After 10 years of stomach issues, 6 doctors, 4 medications, 1 surgery, and several diagnoses, I finally heard something that sounds a little bit more solid, but the solution isn't any different...

My latest doctor noticed my unusually low cholesterol about a year ago, and when she retested it this year and it was even lower, she thought I should probably see someone about it. The gastroenterologist prescribed medication, but was just as puzzled about the cholesterol, so he referred me to an endocrinologist.

After 2 hours of relating family history, testing, and blood work, he has come to the conclusion that I have hypobetalipoproteinemia. Yeah, that's a mouthful! When I asked him to repeat it, he said "Just know you have a lipid disorder." But you know me, I had to find the real word - it's fun to say.

My cholesterol numbers:
Total = 97
HDL = 81
LDL = 13
Tri = 17

Anyway, it's some kind of rare genetic disorder, but I don't really fit all of the criteria. Bottom line, this lipid disorder can cause a lot of stomach issues. So for now, I guess this will work.

BUT...

Despite having a more clear-cut diagnosis, the treatment is no different than what I've been hearing for the past 10 years. I have to change my diet. Basically, I really shouldn't be eating fatty, greasy foods. I go up and down with my success with this, but I have no concept of moderation and I always end up feeling really sick.

SO, since I don't feel like the medication is working, but I really haven't followed the diet, I am challenging myself to follow the medically-relevant diet for the next 30 days, and consistently take the medication, and then see how I feel. I'm posting it in a blog so that it's public and I'm more likely to follow it then because I'll have support and reminders. (And thanks to Casey for encouraging me and to Ayla for helping me by making a low-fat dinner and dessert the other night!!) I'll post updates...